So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
