I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
