When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
