he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she peed on how many people?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
