we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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