This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
