how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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