my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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