Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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