Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
