One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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