i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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