u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Please, let me fuck your mom
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
