I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
