I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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