Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
