"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
