I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
