at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
