After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
