u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
