closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
