I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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