oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
