I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
