John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
