I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
