Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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