I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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