Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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