if only i could text you this smell
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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