im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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