He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
