I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
