Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
