Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
