I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
