Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You are a genius and a whore.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
