My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
