Plan B is the new Plan A
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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