I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
