in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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