I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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