hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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