Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
