wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
