I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
