If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
