Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
