Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
