I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
