and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
