I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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