I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
